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I'm feeling moody, so some exposition is ultimately required, and it's about time I added something to my journal.
I do not think it is possible to describe to anyone what it feels like to be raped. There is such a sense of violation and helplessness and many other things that even being wordy and expositional about it is impossible. To describe it is to clinicalize it, yet it is a violation of such intimate action that to do so is to ignore it, to put up a wall atound oneself. I do not know what it feels like, but I think I have come close for other reasons.
The first thing that happens is revulsion and fear ... followed not so quickly but swiftly by shock. It's generally the first wall of defense, that to do nothing means you do not have to be there, pay attention, be aware of anything. Better to just not be.
After that, slowly stewing, is hatred and -- almost certainly above all else -- anger. It is the driving force in the life of anyone who has had something like this done to them, be they male or female. It is because the act is so anathematic to life, to freedom, that the easiest way to purge the feeling of the meory of what happened to to strike back, strike out, to just strike.
Even the feeling of comforting is met with a reaction of hatred and anger, and this is because others only see the outward pain, but cannot fathom the inward one. There is a sense of internal being that is destroyed, a fragility and innocence that can no longer be regained.
I have spent almost 15 years like this, and I know it could only be worse for those who have had mworse done to them. To them, to all of you ... this picture (my most emotionally personal piece here) ... this piece is made. I almost destroyed it when I made it, one of the few times I have felt the needf to destroy something. It is rare for me to be emotional in creation of my art, but this piece does exemplify this. This character was raped, and her story is deeper and more painful than I would wish on anyone, and her daggers are her skin of steel. They keep anyone and anything at arm's length, and it is a shell that people cannot conceive of to penetrate, made all the harder by the sense of loneliness it creates, as there is still a portion that desires to be held, to be comforted, to be told "It's all better now," because there's that defensive part of you that says "Then how could that happen?"
So the anger perpetuates itself....
I'm feeling moody, so some exposition is ultimately required, and it's about time I added something to my journal.
I do not think it is possible to describe to anyone what it feels like to be raped. There is such a sense of violation and helplessness and many other things that even being wordy and expositional about it is impossible. To describe it is to clinicalize it, yet it is a violation of such intimate action that to do so is to ignore it, to put up a wall atound oneself. I do not know what it feels like, but I think I have come close for other reasons.
The first thing that happens is revulsion and fear ... followed not so quickly but swiftly by shock. It's generally the first wall of defense, that to do nothing means you do not have to be there, pay attention, be aware of anything. Better to just not be.
After that, slowly stewing, is hatred and -- almost certainly above all else -- anger. It is the driving force in the life of anyone who has had something like this done to them, be they male or female. It is because the act is so anathematic to life, to freedom, that the easiest way to purge the feeling of the meory of what happened to to strike back, strike out, to just strike.
Even the feeling of comforting is met with a reaction of hatred and anger, and this is because others only see the outward pain, but cannot fathom the inward one. There is a sense of internal being that is destroyed, a fragility and innocence that can no longer be regained.
I have spent almost 15 years like this, and I know it could only be worse for those who have had mworse done to them. To them, to all of you ... this picture (my most emotionally personal piece here) ... this piece is made. I almost destroyed it when I made it, one of the few times I have felt the needf to destroy something. It is rare for me to be emotional in creation of my art, but this piece does exemplify this. This character was raped, and her story is deeper and more painful than I would wish on anyone, and her daggers are her skin of steel. They keep anyone and anything at arm's length, and it is a shell that people cannot conceive of to penetrate, made all the harder by the sense of loneliness it creates, as there is still a portion that desires to be held, to be comforted, to be told "It's all better now," because there's that defensive part of you that says "Then how could that happen?"
So the anger perpetuates itself....
Coloring that Ingenia?
It's a day late.
Last month at this time, I offered those who pay attention a full-size, quality line art which they can adapt to whatever color scheme they saw fit. Unfortunately, I got very few responses on this, to which I will acknowledge you all.
~Fragillimus335 provided two: One painted like an oriole, and one a lot more like a loon. I like the loon quite a bit, I must say.
~Orionide5 provided one with an extremely cassowary-like appearance, nice cryptic body plumage with a brilliant, display-oriented facial patterning.
~MommaCabbit gave us this detailed look, based on a cross between a sparrow, ptarmigan, prairie chicken and an ost
And Now For Something Completely Different
:thumb372934808:
I'm a very worldly, realistic sort of person; neither pessimistic nor really optimistic. I like keeping my options open, but understand bad things happens. "No plan survives contact with the enemy," as Helmut von Moltke wrote.
That said, I enjoy reading fantasy and sci-fi, especially the good authors such as LeGuin and Herbert, Williams, Jordan, Sanderson and Rawn, but also enjoy silly fantasy and the great classics like Tolkein (of course, everyone says that). When I was little, as I was getting into dinosaurs, I started thinking of making up my own universe to make stories in, but as an avid reader at 10, I didn't think o
Commission
I am opening my resources up for commissions, if any one is interested.
My art, as anyone can plainly see, lends itself well to detailed graphite work in a fairly modest style, very naturalistic, but can lean cartoonish if that is what you desire. I also do a pointilist ink style, and have been known to design a tattoo here and there (there are people who wear my work on their bodies, for which I am exceedingly proud). The style of my work doesn't depend on what my gallery shows: I have and can do styles and subjects not apparent in the gallery. I also do some digital work, though everything starts as a pencil or ink piece first.
My payment
Dinosaurs, Lips and Cheeks
Some people here are aware of my blog, some are not. I spend most of my time posting crap there, and shunting some of the illustrations I prepare here and there.
The Bite Stuff: http://qilong.wordpress.com/
If you care to follow, you will know that I've also been spending some time trying to answer the question about whether dinosaurs had "lips" or "cheeks," a common feature of illustrators and reconstructors for paleontology. Lately, scientifically informed illustrators like Crash McCreedy and Tyler Keillor have been rendering their dinosaurs without "cheeks" and without "lips" in the mammal sense, but rather with "lips" in the lizard and
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i nearly gotten raped but don't remember much of it because i was very young but the feeling is still there. my best friend however did get raped by her own grandfather and my baby brother by his own half brother *that one i did stop* i know the feeling. even if no penetration happens just that violation leaves you paranoid of human contact for the rest of your life.